Not for the kiddies!

Well hello… if you a woman in your 50s, single and looking for Mr. Right, you might be interested in this very touchy topic that affects lots and lots of new romances. I’m no expert here, but I am good at jumping in to provocative chats with my lady friends – so here goes, you might have to plug your ears! lol
Seems by now we know there are certain things required to build a great relationship, right? And, as women we are pretty honed in to what these things are. We also believe the gentlemen should know them too. Problem is, they don’t.

Nonetheless, I am a believer that no person should ever go without these “certain things”, or settle for less – especially if they contribute to our wellbeing, happiness, or survival. So, in the case of two people who enter into the “dating ritual”, it is crucial that both be ready, and I mean very ready – for all those things that add to a healthy, budding friendship and/or love relationship. Just be dressed and prepared for the dance. If you have areas within yourself that are “inadequate” get them fixed immediately, or simply get out of the dating arena until you do. Yeah, really.

See, we girls know that the guys have their own special requirements – things they’re looking for. They’re pretty open about their desire for thin and toned, they’d like us to look nice and blend perfectly into their lives. This we know. But, as many of my lady friends seem quick to observe, “men don’t seem to be overly concerned about how they look, or if their gear is working correctly.” And they’re not talking about a broken tooth or an aching back! The reference is more about our fellas’ working parts. And the ladies have a point!
What’s bothersome is that while we sweat to muscle-up our bods, they seem to have little concern over their own “muscle” and its unfortunate inability to step up to the occasion. I wish we knew why certain areas of the body seem to cave in and go on the fritz. Perhaps it comes down to stress, money problems, too many meds, illness, depression, or a little karma (lol). I don’t know, but for goodness sake, sirs, you cannot drive a car without a motor, or cook a great dinner if your oven don’t work! Just like the real estate guy who doesn’t reveal bad pipes or a basement full of bees, so goes the single gentleman untrained for awkward conversations about, well, his secret problem with his junk.

No one has to tell him there’s an “out of order” sign swinging on his you know what – he knows inevitably it’s going to be an issue, a major talking point – but for the life of him, he cannot find a PC way to disclose this little detail to his new lady. Much easier to stall, blame it on the wine – or hope she grows warm and fuzzies for him, forgiving his little land of broken dreams.

So, what’s up with this condition? And is it ok to run from someone who can’t “do it”? Is this one of those super-duper deal breakers? Well, my ladies say YES, it’s a valid reason to walk away when discovered early on in the relationship. But the doctors say it can be healed! Yay! It’s a matter of learning all the steps to overcome everything associated with the issue. Gentlemen, get it taken care of before the dating game begins! Don’t get caught with your pants down knowing your equipment is on hiatus. Do the necessary homework if you would like to make your lady love happy.

Learn about sexual disfunction here and here.

I love football

Football is back! Hooray! I love me some football.

As a single 50-something woman weaving her way through the dating world, I’ve gotten pretty good at predicting those “introduction” questions from the fellers. I realize it’s just a matter of time before sports sneaks its way into the conversation. Guys cannot resist.

“Hello there, do you like football?” “Wow, you’re cute, do you like football?”  “We finally meet! So, do you like football?”

Of course, I LIKE football, so my answer is yes! It’s the only logical, reasonable response by the way. At a time when two people are busy checking each other out, trying to get the other to like them — YES, is a promising response.

Regardless of your answer, what the guys don’t know, is that women on their own accord — don’t really love football. Yes, it’s true, please don’t shake your head.

The proof is in the pudding. Football-lovin’ women wear football clothing to celebrate their love of the game (logo t-shirts, visors, windbreakers, and team hoodies). Football gals have their gal pals over regularly to watch the game. You may also see team stickers and pennants around their house (next to the candles), and they may don a team flag or bumper sticker on their car along with a cute lawn flag of their favorite team.

You should know, however — it’s OK if you don’t like football, and its also OK to “act” like you do or fake it for them. As Charlie Sheen said (more than once), pretend you care.
Know that you can always claim (later on) if the relationship gets serious that you believe football has changed, your favorite players are gone and you no longer love the game the way you once did, maybe because of the commercialism of the game. (Ha — this explanation may allow you to go shopping instead — with a clear conscience.)

Under the hood of online dating

I could go on and on about internet dating, there are endless bloggable moments to share.  But, please…a little praise for the inventor for keeping us so damn entertained and busy.  You will see me write often about this interesting phenomenon. Single and dating in the great five-o’s is like a board game that never ends, full of dreamers, strategists, cheaters, and the naïve.  Sometimes the game ends due to lack of interest and you will see the rules change often. I have so many stupid stories and useful advice for this often necessary evil, I may have to tackle them one section at a time in order for anyone to truly grasp each important concept. True, there are hundreds of articles written aimed at delivering helpful advice, but quite frankly, they have no idea what the hell they are talking about. : )

One thing I know for sure about online dating is that the objective is the same; we want to meet the man/woman of our dreams, yes? And we want the process to be convenient, just like other online shopping experience.
So, if you like viewing hundreds of images of fellas to pick from for the purposes of dating, in the hopes that it turns into something loving and meaningful, online dating may be for you. There are however, caveats. Within each image is a person you know very little about. The handsome/hot dude you see on the screen is a complicated human being with an extensive history of hurts, loves, children, experiences, tragedies, and for the most part has not included much of this within his profile text. Sadly, from the gitgo we have an uneducated, unbalanced view.

As mammals we are hardwired to desire touch, emotion, companionship and love, so we often ignore that which isn’t noted and only see what might be. If mister didn’t mention anything about his grown kids or his personal life in his profile perhaps we may assume that his kids are awesome members of society, his career in high gear, and his home life kicking ass.

I am not saying that most of the faces seen on online dating sites equal bad guys, just suggesting we think differently, objectively, and safely. When we get in the car we put the seat belt on, chances are pretty good that the trip in the car to the store will get me there safely, but still, I wear the damn seatbelt. When I get a “hit” from a gentleman on dating website, I should also immediately buckle my ass in.  So, here are a few of my rules when online man-shopping:

  • Never, ever respond to, click on, or engage in any way with a guy who has marked his profile “separated” — no matter how hot he may be. P-l-e-a-s-e…! (Who the hell goes on a dating website without buttoning up past relationship crap?) Think about the mess that sits under the hood, trust me, there will be a mess waiting and it will probably be in the form of a pissy wife.
  • Stay within your age range. If you believe yourself to be super hot and you have earned the right to aim for ages up to ten years your junior, save that for real life guy-hunting. Keep the 5-yr-rule, no more than 5 years younger or older. The stats are stacked in your favor.
  • Don’t mention flowers, fuzzy cats, stuffed animals, ballerina collections, hatred of football or any other seriously stupid comments in your profile. It’s tough, I know, but do it — it works. Guys are looking for that which is “normal” – better he focus on your hot hair-do, not ridiculous girl talk.
  • Don’t include endless pictures of your tattoos and awesome cleavage. Save it for the in-person interview if you must. The front-end process is meant to show you are cute and normal, don’t stir up controversy!

This should keep you thinking for now, and please share with your single friends.

With lots of love and experience. : )